Tough times, more to come!

Nowadays, lifes getting tougher.. More outfields, less bookout, less good food, less sleep.

I treasure even the surup drink they provide in cookhouses now how worse can it get!

Well, seems like in camp I'm addicted to sugar, and its in scarce production in there. Guess I have to find ways to get my tongue tasting some sweetness! Hehhehh...

And its just 2 more months to the coveted red beret! If I managed to make it that is...

"...in a cafe having a chat with good friends, when something he said angered me. Something about parents being unfeeling and inhumane. That really pissed me off and we argued about it, until I found out about his broken family. He have not heard from his mom for years. Finally one day, he received an email, from his mom! But when he opened it he cried, it wasn't any mail asking how he was doing, its pure junk. How would you feel when you're abandoned by your very loved ones?..."

"...I was walking in the mall with her, she was just on the phone moments ago. I was quiet, as usual. After walking for some distance, she turned and told me that she had accepted me. That, should be happiness..."

"...I looked lost in a carnival. Out of a sudden I saw a little infant crying, so I took pity on it and carried it along with me while I carry on looking for my loved one.. Over time, I cared for the lost child as if he/she was my very sibling, and he/she grew to like me too, then he/she spoke his first word..."

How weird...

What is most precious to you?

Its really been long since I last came back here, but somehow I still need a listening ear and this is the only place left I can turn to.

So updates, my results did bring me somewhere after all. To a percieved all boys course: mechanical engineering.

I have no complaints to this course as it is kinda physics related and I think I can commit to physics for 3 years in my university life.

So nowadays, its just pure mundane everyday life serving the nation. Things haven't gotten that tough yet, but there are much to learn now in my vocation. Learning about all the toy guns we play there. The food there seems to improve, or it's just that I adapt to anything I can put in my mouth very easily.

Recent events have made me think, what do we cherish most in our lives? Because we have to know that and ensure that we make every single second with what we love most count, as eventually, it will go away.

"What if you realise that you only have less than 30 seconds to live?"

"Then I will have to make every second in it count."

Love need not be expressed it words. Actions overwrite a thousand "I love you"(s). But the thing is, you will never feel it is enough no matter how much you do, and life never gives you more time. We tend to think we need more quantity, but quality is as important in time spent with your loved ones. Whenever you are angry with them, let it go just because you love them, be thankful that they are part of your life.

Life loves to play a trick on you, and people always do things in a way that in the end thought can be done better. A combination of both causes regret. Whenever you start to realise what is happening, it is often too late. Or rather it is because it is too late then we start to realise what is happening. Thus when it is often too late, whatever you do you will feel is NEVER enough. That's why there will always be regret.

Cherish whatever is precious to you. Affection is not expressed by words. Simply willing to sacrifice a little time for them is good enough, even if you can only be there silently and look at each other.

Hope this is just a nightmare of mine..

Dilemma

So I got back my results, and I'm pretty disappointed... Although I empathize for my friends who did worse...

The reason I'm disapppointed is due to my weaker subjects, which I got a real ugly grade that leaves a mark on my result slip, its just frustrating.

As a result, I fell short of a few points to go to my desired courses, but I'll still attempt to apply for them though...

Still, it sort of affects my mood still and I do wake up with a feeling of dilemma and unease or uncertainty of not getting to go where I want.

Furthermore, maybe its just me, but whenever people with superb results or perfect scores shares their results with me, I'll have this inferior feeling and a gut feeling that this person is trying to show off by announcing their results! Maybe its just me, but I really feel uneasy.

The only easy day was yesterday...

In the early morning sun,
with a field pack on my back.
With an aching in my arms,
and my back is full of sweat.

I'm a long long way from home,
and I miss my lover so.
In the early morning sun,
when the cold wind blows.

When the cold wind blows,
when the cold wind blows,
when the cold wind blows,
and it blows blows blows.

Military life, gotta get used to it real quick. I'm going back tomorrow... And I need a calling partner so my nights are not so boring!

Last Day of 2010

What a way to end 2010, I broke my xbox controller...

Been rotting at home ever since total liberation, well, most of the time. I'm either too lazy to do stuff or there's nothing for me to do at all. I'm not sure whether its only me or there are others like this too. Post exams, someone drag me out please.

A new year, I don't really feel the festive spirit at all. Happens every year. Its like just another day to me, and it'll pass like, slowly...

Its over!

Finally, its over. I still can't seem to stop worrying!! Partly because I still have no confidence in myself, keep feeling I am not putting enough effort.

Well, its over. People may say whats done is done, which is true, cause I cannot do anything more about it, but I can't help but keep thinking about it.

So now what? Right at this crossroad of life, whatever comes, I'll just have to face it. Come march, uni or not, I really don't know what to do. There are many ways to success, its only whether you take the fastest way or not; in other words, the mainstream way of a post graduate.

I'll certainly miss my tutors, and everyone else that I may not see in a long time.

For now, its the green uniform. I'd better cherish this 2 months I have...

Argh

Crap, I shouldn't have started reading the messages. Now its coming back all over again..

Nevermind..

Keep Holding On

Its a great hurdle, and I have to do it all by myself, for its what I decide for what I am to be.

I'm crumbling under the pressure, flopping what I usually can do... Every friday does not seem to me like the weekend is coming, but telling me there is a week less, and I'm getting closer to that hurdle of my life.

I feel stupid when I see the others, I keep flopping up.

Do you know you're unlike any other?

PS: Im screwed for prelims, for real.

Prelims

Sometimes, you just realised that you have not totally let go, there's just a wee little bit of heart there left behind. And because of that, you have a void, that needs to be filled up, by something else, or you just have to find that chip back, which would not happen.

Prelims is already here. And stress levels are rising exponentially! I feel totally stressed out, partly because of my poor mid years results, and so I have minimal confidence for this. And right after prelims, its the real deal. Its coming all way too fast...

Fate

Well, fate really does like to play games with you. When you want to see a person, you have to try ever so hard to just get a glance. When you do not want to see a person, wherever you go, you just had to meet that person.

Guess I have to wait next monday again, and let fate decide once again. So near yet so far yeah?

Second

We're a little ambitious now, so we moved on after great escape fast. Hahah

We tried something instrumental... Took a video of it, but it isn't with me :(
On facebook though. Haha

Debut

Ashtray FTW

Ridiculed

Sometimes, you need to lower your EQ to communicate with someone with a relatively lower EQ, or else you'll end up feeling really ridiculed. Absurd, ridiculous.

You need to start thinking the whole world revolves around you, and do not care a little for what happens that are not of any relation to you. That would be a good start.
Then you start transmitting your screwedupness to another, and make them screwup too.
Then, you blame them for not understanding how you feel, from the start of the conversation.
Expect others to be able to read your mind, thats would be better.
When they fail doing it, lose your temper, do not hesitate.
If they give way to you, continue your onslaught, spot this opening.
If they appear defensive, the only thing that should appear in your mind, attack.

Attempt it and succeed in communicating with a difficult species. Then tell me about it :)

Failure

Once again, I tasted failure. When will I ever learn? Perhaps the previous failure was not bad enough, with a consolation given in pity. This time, its total failure.

I've got to feel it this time, I have to change now, before its too late
And I have to put all my resolve into this, cause this is do or die, this is unlike PSLE, it seriously matters this time.

Seems like this time, I need to find my own motivation to commit in this war